c. 2026 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(3-26)
After Pyotr Sache had posted his updated content on the Southern Charms website, there was a lull in activity at the rural, trailer enclave. Then, a Facebook group set up for residents of the community exploded with comments about the outlandish video production. One in particular set the tone for an ongoing discussion about the anonymous instigator, and his possible identity, within the ranks of residents at Evergreen Estates.
“Is that dude the cocky, bald guy who lives on my street? WTF, he’s always picking on the poor lady from Russia. It looks like she got her revenge, in that clip, anyway. You go girl! When he’s done kissing your boots, he can kiss my ass!”
Oren Kronk had fit in well with the park population, in terms of his cultural preferences and political opinions, at least. But a quick fall from grace occurred, when many began to speculate that he must have initiated the scandal himself, through a work of AI mischief. Those who passed his boxcar home tooted their horns and chanted improvised jeers that sent him fleeing to a back room where he could shut the door and cover his ears. The cadence was like a Jerry Springer episode.
“KISS HER BOOT, DOG! KISS HER BOOT! KISS HER BOOT!”
For Townshend Lincoln, who had no involvement in the controversy, or online speculation about its creation, the shaming of his redneck neighbor was somewhat amusing. But he stayed in place on the front porch. Drinking and watching as other inhabitants paraded up and down their broken boulevard.
Finally, the brash bully appeared at their office by the maintenance garage. He pounded on the windowless door for attention, with a baseball bat, until Dana Alvarez called for him to enter.
“What, you can’t turn the knob like everybody else? Ayyyyyy! Don’t come here in a bad mood, I need to get things done. Not listen to bull mierda! Okay? What is your problem, caballero?”
Oren dragged his weapon on the floor. He had started to sweat, profusely.
“What’re y’all gonna do about this made-up foolishness on the damn computer? Somebody screwed with my picture, and put it on the internet! I’ll beat then senseless when I figure it out!”
Dana scratched her head, and lit a menthol cigarette.
“It ain’t you in the video, right? The thing is fake?”
Her tenant nodded angrily.
“THAT’S WHAT I SAID! SOMEBODY HERE IS MESSIN’ WITH ME! I’LL BUST ‘EM RIGHT IN THE FRIGGIN’ CHOPS!”
The ownership representative shrugged, and blew a stream of tobacco smoke in the air.
“Like, the woman is also not real, correcto? You don’t know nothing about her...”
The loudmouth troublemaker sputtered to give a coherent reply.
“Well no, dammit! I mean, some of the whores and dicks around here are blamin’ me, but they can’t prove a freakin’ thing! Screw ‘em! Screw ‘em all!”
Dana adjusted the red bandana tied around her hair.
“Right, okay, so what you want for me to do? You don’t know, I don’t know, that lady, she probably don’t know either. Somebody have their fun and you stand here complaining. I tell you this, pay your lot rent on time, and make no problem for me! Comprende? Let it go.”
Oren was unsatisfied with her admonition to deescalate the situation. On the way back to his own singlewide abode, he changed direction, and marched to the space where his Russian adversary was tending to her garden.
“HEY, FAT BITCH! ARE Y’ALL HAVIN’ A GOOD LAUGH ABOUT PEEOPLE SHITTIN’ ON ME? I HOPE YER DIGGIN’ IT! ‘CAUSE I’M ABOUT TO WRECK THIS EFFING SHACK. UNLESS YA GET OUTTA HERE, RIGHT NOW!”
Mockbina stripped off her earphones and frowned intently. She was covered in potting soil from the flower bed.
“You are cowboy, perhaps? I see you must talk beeg and put hands on hips. In my country we call this by word you cannot pronounce. It mean a weakling, with no backbone. I am not afraid, I think. Only do I laugh. Go home now, I must plant new seeds for my garden...”
Her unadmitted adversary narrowed his eyes, and lifted the baseball bat to his shoulder.
“HAVE A GOOD LAUGH, PRINCESS! WHEN I SWING THIS STICK, YER TEETH WILL BE FLYIN’ EVERYWHERE!”
From behind, the sound of a shotgun being readied to fire sounded, ominously. With a single, fluid motion, Oren spun on his heel. Then, dropped the bat and cowered, submissively. His reserve of righteous indignation had evaporated.
Lincoln carried the Ithaca Model 37 from his bedroom closet, in hand. He did not appear to be in an argumentative mood.
“Do ya remember our confrontation from a few weeks ago? I don’t waste any breath repeating myself, so here’s the one warning ya get. Step back from the brink, gambler! Leave this woman to tidy up her yard. And don’t come to this lot again. I’ve been in this junkyard fer damn near a quarter-century. Those are years I’ll never get back, it’s been like a prison sentence most of the time. But I’ve survived on my own. Just like this lady immigrant has survived. Just like Granny Maylene, Trina Trelane, Darby on the other side, and Garter Haines down the street have survived. Every one of us has found a way to make it work. Mine is staying on that bench over there, with a bottle of whiskey nearby. I can’t live in this dump and be sober! Just like I can’t listen to a jackass joker threaten this dame with bodily harm, when she’s done nothing to make his boxer shorts ride up! Yer a gawdamn fool, neighbor. A fool with lessons to learn about how ya ought to treat other people. Most importantly, a fool who has a lot to lose right now, when I pull this trigger! So spin the Roulette wheel, friend! I’m good one way or the other!”
Oren felt his knees go weak. There was a trickle of dampness in his blue jeans.
“You got balls, old man. I’ll give ya that. And they must be big tomatas!”
The drunken loner smiled with satisfaction. He was glad not to waste his ammunition on the rowdy provocateur.
“And you got none at all, brother. How about that?”
Mockbina returned to her chore without engaging in any conversation. Instead, she sang along with another track by Dolly Parton, via her cellphone app, while staying busy.
“Here come you, again
Just when I get together
You waltz in door
Like you do, before
My heart you wrap ‘round finger
Here come you, again
I make it work without you
You look at eyes that are mine
And tell lies so pretty
Then I wonder how I doubt
All you got to do is smile
And I have no defense
Leave it for a while
You mess up my mind
And here I go...”






