c. 2026 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(6-26)
T. C. Lincoln had one goal in mind at the start of every day. To be outside on his porch by the afternoon, drunk soon afterward, and left alone. He did not crave companionship or social interaction of any kind. This reclusive nature made him the subject of gossiping and rumors around Evergreen Estates, a rural community of mobile homes near Lake Erie. Yet it had no effect on his habits or emotional disposition. He was content to have fallen out of favor with those who also lived on his street in the blue-collar development. Only one mantra ruled the day for this contrarian hermit. It had been printed on a piece of posterboard with a black marker, and hung in the front window, backed by a camouflage blanket used for a curtain.
“KEEP YOUR DISTANCE, EVERYBODY! I DON’T FIRE WARNING SHOTS, AND I DON’T DIAL 911!”
Generally, other residents ignored him as a curiosity in their midst. A seedy, shaggy curmudgeon muttering to himself while becoming inebriated on strong drink. But for Linn Speck, a rotund, balding fellow who had once aspired to become head of a neighborhood association in control of the park, this sort of willful anonymity could not stand. He had a grudge to bear that would never be surrendered. An overwhelming desire to seek revenge for past offenses, and a judgment in front of his peers that the dirty boozer should be expelled from their prefab oasis.
On a weekend in the summer, those living at the isolated development were lazily enjoying outdoor activities. Propane and charcoal grills belched aromatic smoke into the atmosphere. A sizzling of prepared meats could be heard at every lot. Music echoed from portable radios, open windows, and passing trucks. The laughter of children added to this festive mix of ebullience. But on the corner, there was only a scowl of disgust, and a groan about not having organized a picnic that would raise funds for the new group of leaseholders.
Linn sputtered with his flabby jowls turning red.
“That old bastard is still screwing people over! I just know it! He should’ve been evicted from here a long time ago, dragged away on his butt by the sheriff himself!”
Haki, his statuesque spouse, rolled her eyes at this familiar protest. She was somewhat fatigued from listening to the same complaints, over and over again.
“Honey, you haven’t even seen him walk down his ramp in months! He never goes anywhere, they bring groceries to his home, kids get the trash bin when it is full, and his SUV never leaves the driveway. I bet its battery is dead!”
Her husband groaned while pondering a visit to chastise the oldster, face-to-face.
“Nonsense! I bet he’s on the phone, calling people. Probably the township police, or trustees, or county commissioners. You know, anybody who’ll listen! He’s a troublemaker with an axe to grind! An outsider who never should have been allowed to move here in the first place!”
Haki brushed the long, glistening hair out of her eyes. A gentle breeze toyed with her billowing skirt. She was pretty despite being a veteran of many years, lived.
“Oh, come on now! I’d guess that he can’t even read the display on his phone, after a few drinks! There are always empty bottles in his yard, and beer cans. He must throw them off the porch in a drunken stupor, maybe. I really don’t know!”
Linn snorted defiantly. Then, got up from his lawn chair, and turned to leave without a proper explanation.
“THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! I COULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW, MRS. SPECK!”
The mature woman shook her head with befuddlement. Both hands slid upward, to her curvaceous hips.
“Kiss me? What the heck? Don’t walk away after a remark like that! What do you mean? Come back here and explain yourself, mister!”
Lincoln had been outside for at least two hours. Long enough that the side yard by his singlewide abode was littered with rubbish. The trash receptacle had tipped over apparently, and yielded a wealth of plastic tubs, food containers, and empty jars. He was oblivious to this fault, being tipsy and content with his routine. But the sight of such a mess on public display provided a perfect excuse for someone to intervene.
The former association president shouted from a safe spot out in their street.
“LINK! I KNOW YOU’RE BLITZED, BUT THAT’S STILL NO EXCUSE FOR ALL THIS TRASH BLOWING AROUND! IT’LL BE AT THE NEXT LOT PRETTY SOON, AND THE NEXT, AND THE NEXT! THEN, IT’LL BE DOWN AT MY LOT! AND THAT’S WHEN I’M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!”
The cranky alcoholic was amused by this show of force. Yet unimpressed with the threat.
“Sure, do whatever you want. Remember though, I’ve got two disability canes up here. Keep your distance unless an ass-whipping is on the agenda for today! I’ll swing like a major-league batter, and that’s no bullshit, brother!”
Linn frowned to the point that he was squinting. He drew closer with every word.
“YOU’RE GONNA HIT ME WITH YOUR WALKING STICK? NOW THAT’S DAMNED HILARIOUS! I BET YOU CAN’T EVEN LIFT THOSE ARMS OVER YOUR HEAD! FACE IT, LINK, YOU’RE A WORN-OUT HUSK OF A MAN! A LOSER AND A LONER! NO FRIENDS, NO FAMILY, AND NOT ENOUGH SENSE TO CLEAN UP THE GARBAGE DUMPED ON YOUR SIDEWALK!”
Lincoln tensed upon seeing his adversary approaching. But also reacted with a sense of disbelief. The persistent agitator kept stepping forward while yowling. One, two, three, four, five steps, and more. Until at last he stood at the feet of his target.
“CLEAN UP THIS DANG MESS! IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU SIT OUT HERE ALL DAY, BUT SEEING YOUR TRASH SCATTER MAKES IT EVEN WORSE! I’M GOING TO CALL THE PARK MANAGER! SHE’LL FINE YOU FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF THINGS! IT’S YOUR FAULT, NOT MINE! THIS IS THE WAY THINGS HAVE TO BE!”
A bourbon haze lingered around the contrarian’s face and beard. He had difficulty trying to focus his eyes. Every image he could see was blurry, and fluttering. But then, his left hand found one of the metal canes. He turned the prop stick at an angle, and recoiled to strike.
WHAPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Linn went running, while cradling loose teeth in his hands.
“YOU BASTARD! YOU OLD, SMELLY BASTARD! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’VE GOT THAT MUCH STRENGTH LEFT IN YOUR ARMS! WHAT THE HELL, LINK? WHAT THE HELL?”
His opponent grinned while opening a cold round of brew. The disability implement slid to a spot on low on his floorboards.
“What did I say, dumbass? Keep your distance! Do that, and we won’t have any more trouble!”



%20Cover%208.jpeg)


