“To Post or Not to Post...”

by Cheryl Kelly

All rights reserved

(1-18)

I was scrolling through my Facebook page this evening catching up on everyone’s status and happenings, when I came across a couple of observations that I feel compelled to comment on. Now I’m not typically one to criticize, and perhaps criticize is not the right word, but I really need to say something here, well, a few things about the things that people post.

First, please remember there is a line that should not be crossed when it comes to sharing personal information. We have all heard and seen those three letters...TMI...for those of you not quite hip, that stands for “Too Much Information”. I’m sure that you’ve come across those people in your life who have a tendency to overshare. Giving you entirely too many details on personal situations that have happened to them to the point of creating the most uncomfortable and awkward moments. Trust me when I say that no one wants to hear all the gory details of your doctor’s visit and the growth that you had to have removed in the most sensitive of areas on your body. They also don’t want to take a front seat to the argument you had with your spouse over the woman down the street whom you drooled over as she walked her dog past your house. Nor do they want to read a book about your intimate therapy sessions.

What amazes me is that people will post this stuff, sharing it not to just one unlucky person, but to hundreds, if not thousands, or more...what are you thinking? We lose more and more of our privacy every day, we should not be idly handing it over. People...keep your private, personal information to yourself!

Second, I feel the need to address the absolute hatred that I see at times. The political climate that we have today definitely has played into it, but in general, people are just downright mean! There seems to be no filter when it comes to some people spewing their negativity. Whatever happened to the old adage of if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all? I read some posts where it mentally hurtles me back to third grade when the mean girls would make the thought of going back to school the next day utterly unbearable. The only difference I see is that the name calling has just escalated to an adult level, it is almost borderline threatening. It seems that no one remembers that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and just because it differs from yours does not make it wrong, it just makes it different. People...keep it civil!

Lastly, I’m going to swing this pendulum from overly negative posters, to overly positive ones. You know of whom I speak...those annoying, overly happy people, generally couples, who post constantly on every little thing they do and it is always sickeningly sweet. He will post how much he loves his wife/girlfriend and how lucky a man he is and then she responds with no, I’m the lucky one to have found such an incredible man as you, and then he posts, no, I don’t know what I did to deserve this beautiful woman...blah...blah...blah. This ping pong posting seems to go on forever with each one trying to outdo the other with how wonderful they both are and how wonderful their lives are...please, NO ONE is that happy ALL the time. Now perhaps I’m just cynical, but it’s extremely irritating to read these sappy, Pollyanna posts over and over. People...tone it down!

I guess in the end it comes down to remembering that the written word is just as powerful as the spoken one. Just because you aren’t face-to-face with someone doesn’t mean it should be a free-for-all. There should always be some consideration and constraint before posting because once it’s out there for all to see and read, there’s no taking it back. Well, there is that “delete” button, I suppose, but then again, from some of the things I see online, it doesn’t get used quite as often as it should.

Editor’s Note: I could not agree more with the sentiment expressed in this column. (Self-restraint makes me refrain from citing examples as friends from Facebook might actually read this and be moved to post even more such material.) A ‘personal filter’ is quite useful to possess. Thanks for saying what truly needed to be expressed.

“Tale of Two Voices”

c. 2018 Cheryl Kelly

All rights reserved

(1-18)

Remember those old cartoons where the person would be contemplating some decision and all of a sudden, a tiny angel would pop up on one shoulder whispering gentle guidance, and then a tiny devil would suddenly appear on the other shoulder knocking the angel off, little pitchfork in hand, telling the person to just ignore the winged, lighted figure and make the more reckless choice? I always looked at that angel as the personification of intuition or gut feeling, something more than just a moral director. For me, I would say I really don’t have an angel or devil, but instead, a rational voice in my head that gets muffled at times by the other more nonchalant voice in my head. Or, a better way is to say that I have a “head” voice and a “heart” voice.

Now the “head” voice is very clear, pulls no punches, and always on point. She is very organized, well-thought out, and rarely wrong. She also, is no fun. The “heart” voice, on the other hand, is very open to all things, has an explanation for everything, and is almost always wrong; although she would tell you that at the time it seemed like a good idea. She is very go-with-the-flow, a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of girl and can be a Hell of a lot of fun! Until, she gets crushed, at which point she inevitably tells the “head” voice that she will never not listen to her again.

This inner battle between head and heart I have to believe everyone goes through at some point in their life. They may characterize it differently, but there is usually some head and heart in each of us. Now I’ve known people who are a little imbalanced when it comes to head and heart. You either know, or have dealt with, both types of people I’m sure. The “head” people who cannot function unless they have a plan, who stick to the plan no matter what, and who are almost always very successful. And then there are the “heart” people who just seem to coast, oozing acceptance and kindness to everyone they come in contact with; those who live on the faith that things will just work themselves out, one way or another.

“Head” people tend to be very cautious, almost to a fault. They find it difficult to trust others and have a tendency to be control freaks, since no one can do it better than they can. “Heart” people, on the other hand, tend to be very open to others, love to share and just want everyone to get along. They are not confrontational and usually make friends easily, making them the life of any party! The key, as with most things in life, is to find a nice balance between your head and your heart. You don’t want to be so much in your own head that you become trapped in routine and regimen, losing out on life in general; afraid to reach out, try something new, get out of your comfort zone and discover that perhaps there is more out there that you could be experiencing and enjoying. Yet, you don’t want to be all heart and find yourself without any structure at all and paying immensely for it; losing the understanding that all decisions have consequences that you might not see right away, and those consequences can be very costly.

As for me, I have a tendency to swing my pendulum a bit more towards “head”. I’m not one that likes to just wing it and hope for the best. I do find however, that the older I get, the less worried I am about certain things which has allowed me to let that “heart” voice trumpet a bit louder. Life is short, too short to miss out on new people, places and things simply because of stress or worry, or because there is no room in “the plan” for them. Sometimes there isn’t a choice as to which voice you listen to...circumstances just happen and not always according to the script. And sometimes, you will find that you just have to quiet that head voice down a bit and have some fun, put that heart in the driver’s seat and hope for the best. Even if you crash, chances are the ride will most certainly be worth it!

Editor’s Note: There is a decidedly male version of this conundrum, which might be termed head vs. physiology. We tend to think clearly or not think at all, allowing our genetic imperative to occasionally grab the driver’s seat. In personal terms, some of the most entertaining bad choices I have ever made – purchasing motorcycles or cars, dating women, exploring my own tolerance for alcohol, risking life and limb to set a new record of endurance, etc., came from my ability to suddenly become distracted from the process of actual thinking. I see the same behavior in my Black Lab who is nearing the age of eleven. Despite years of training and conditioning he still switches off his neural command-center when a playful kitty invades his yardspace or a new visitor approaches. I tell him “You are ornery by nature.” Men tend to be the same, I think. Capable of great feats, but still basically dumb at our core.