“The Outlaw Chef Returns”

c. 2017 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(11-17)

In past newspaper columns under the ‘Thoughts At Large’ banner, one of my most frequently revisited topics was that of unusual recipes. Such an interest developed during a childhood where I was inspired by the culinary gifts of my mother and the odd kitchen improvisations of my father. Not only did they feed the family, but also neighbors, friends and our church community. This meant that meals sometimes found their own schedule due to needs outside of our home. So I learned at an early age to follow an important household maxim: “If you are hungry, then make something to eat!”

Once, I found a traditional recipe for Menudo (tripe stew) in a motorcycle magazine. My father was inspired to make it in our home kitchen. When finished, the big pot included pigs feet, lemon wedges, coriander seeds, garbanzos and lots of flavorful additions. No one in the house would go near it, except for him and myself. The story has become something of a family legend. It inspired my own freewheeling style of cooking.

Recently, I discussed this family tradition with one of my cousins via Facebook. In the course of telling my story, I spoke about having just made a ‘kitchen concoction’ that used Polish sausage from my freezer. In the spirit of past prose adventures about making such meals, I decided to revive the recipe series. What follows here are rowdy food examples from my present day kitchen:

Uncle Rod’s Kielbasa Beer Soup

Ingredients:

1 ½ lbs. fresh kielbasa

1 can (12 oz.) beer

½ cup chopped onion

1 can Campbell’s ‘Bean with Bacon’ condensed soup

1 chicken bouillon cube

1 can (15 oz.) sliced carrots

2 cans (15 oz. each) sliced potatoes

1 tsp. garlic powder

1 tsp. black pepper

2 cups water

Directions:

Pan fry kielbasa until browned. Then place in slow cooker, pour beer over the meat. Add bouillon cube. Cook on high for three hours. Remove meat, slice into chunks. Place kielbasa back into crock pot with some or all of the beer broth as desired. (Broth will be strong, lots of flavor.) Add vegetables and the can of condensed soup with garlic powder and black pepper. Add water to fill the pot. Cook for another hour.

Uncle Rod’s Fried Burrito Breakfast

Ingredients:

1 frozen burrito (personal favorite is Tina’s Red Hot)

1 slice of American cheese

oil

sour cream

salsa

pepper sauce

traditional breakfast items like eggs, sausage or bacon, etc.

Directions:

Cook the frozen burrito in microwave for one minute on high. Place in hot oil and pan fry until golden brown on both sides. (The tortilla shell will have a consistency and flavor similar to pie crust.) As the cooking is nearly finished, top with the slice of cheese and allow to melt. (Add salsa, sour cream and pepper sauce if desired.) Serve with regular breakfast items.

Uncle Rod’s Bratwurst Noodle Bake

Ingredients:

8 bratwurst sausages

2 cans (10.5 oz.) condensed cream of mushroom soup

2 cans (measured) half & half

1 bag (16 oz.) egg noodles

1 large sweet onion (chopped)

½ cup grated cheese (vary to taste)

½ cup crushed pork rinds

Directions:

Pan fry bratwurst until browned. Meanwhile, saute chopped onion. Place bratwurst on the bottom of greased baking dish. In a pot, prepare noodles as directed and combine with condensed soup, onions and half & half. Pour over bratwurst. Top with grated cheese and the crushed pork rinds. Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 45 minutes, or until golden brown.

Uncle Rod’s Cheesy Vienna Sausage Grits (A Hillbilly Favorite)

Ingredients:

1 can (4.6 oz.) Vienna sausages

½ cup instant grits

1 slice American cheese

1 small chopped onion (if desired)

4 slices (thick) of real butter (or more)

2 tbsp. oil (for skillet)

1 tbsp. bacon bits (optional)

Directions:

Pan fry the Vienna sausages in oil. Set aside. Saute onion, also set aside. Prepare grits as directed. When cooked, stir in American cheese. Put on a dinner plate and top with sausages, onions, bacon bits and a generous amount of butter.

Uncle Rod’s Beef & Bean Game Day Nachos

Ingredients:

1 bag (11 oz. or other) of corn tortilla chips

1 lb. ground meat (beef or sausage)

1 envelope of taco seasoning

1 can (15 oz.) garbanzos

1 jar (12 oz.) jalapeno slices

1 jar (16 oz.) salsa

1 pkg. shredded sharp cheddar cheese

1 container (16 oz.) sour cream

1 can (15 oz.) black olives

pepper sauce (to taste)

Directions:

Prepare meat with taco seasoning according to directions. Slice black olives. Start with tortilla chips on a plate, layer ingredients finishing with sour cream. (I always end up with a mess while eating and have to finish with a small fork.)

My only issue with cooking is a nagging difficulty with following recipes, even my own. I tend to improvise in real time, as new ideas or ingredient issues dictate changes. Sometimes, I simply want something a bit different from what was made before. This wayward streak keeps boredom at bay but creates chaos when I try to relate to friends and family what I have created. Still, as Hank Williams Jr. once sang, it is part of a “family tradition.”

The ‘Outlaw Chef’ is still on duty!

Comments or questions about ‘Words on the Loose’ may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com

Write us at: P.O. Box 365 Chardon, OH 44024

Published weekly in the Geauga Independent

“Leftover High Life, Revisited”

c. 2017 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(11-17)

Retirement.

I expected to reach this auspicious point in life after a long career and many hours spent pondering choices. But it arrived like an unexpected house guest, as I was only in my mid-50’s. Preparations made for shifting to a slower lane of travel were not yet complete. It felt odd to confess that I had been sidelined from my management career. Yet suddenly, there was time to pause and work on my writing adventure. Though my household budget shrank, opportunities for creative prose and lyrics were never more unlimited. In 2015, I published my fifth book and decided that it would provide a farewell-in-print as I abandoned my writing in favor of continuing to earn a regular paycheck through business employment. But fate shattered that paradigm as I was moved to an early exit from my company. Suddenly, I was back where it all began:

“Leftover High Life

Sparkling in the glass

Leftover High Life

Last night really kicked my ass

Leftover High Life

Sold for a special price

Leftover High Life

Retirement sure feels nice.”

No longer working a preset schedule changed everything. Predictably, around 4:00 in the morning, this mood seemed to gain the greatest focus. As I stood before the refrigerator on such days, pondering early breakfast options, one familiar sight gave me hope. That of a busted-open 12-pack of Miller High Life. The remainder of a previous night spent researching alcohol effects. It was my low-dollar, retirement beverage of choice. A friend from long ago, when pennies were few and dreams were plentiful.

How strange to think that the young man in his early 20’s had transformed into a stooped, stumbling fellow of 56. Both with the same zest for uninhibited living and cheap suds:

“Leftover High Life

Not too proud to drink up

Leftover High Life

I’m thirsty, fill my mug

Leftover High Life

My friends may disagree

Leftover High Life

That means there’s more for me.”

I had maintained my mobility with the use of a cane for at least two years. (Stylishly painted with Hot-Rod flames, like one used by ‘Dr. Gregory House.’) This meant that upon entering my local beer store, other patrons would sometimes hold the door open as I entered. This small measure of kindness was something I could graciously accept. But the purchase of a 30-pack would have me struggling to carry the liquid monster while maintaining my balance. Inevitably, the cashier would offer to have someone take my purchase out to the truck. The embarrassment I felt couldn’t be hidden. And, I truly relished the extra flavor from an easier-to-carry 12-pack of bottles. So that became my choice variety for retirement living:

“Leftover High Life

Champagne of beers, it’s true

Leftover High Life

Nothin’ else to do

Leftover High Life

I’m stretchin’ out my bucks

Leftover High Life

I’m drinkin’ wish me luck.”

When inspiration visited, I would take out a guitar, even in the wee hours of morning, and begin to write about my new adventure. Each verse reflected a rediscovered sense of wonder. Though my body had lost its tone from earlier days, enthusiasm for being alive had returned. I felt truly grateful to be at my desk in the home office, with a clear, cold bottle of brew sitting by the computer. Each line typed out revealed a greater self, waiting to be free. And more loose bottles rattling around in the vegetable bin of my refrigerator:

“Leftover High Life

Golden drink so fine

Leftover High Life

No headache from T-bird wine

Leftover High Life

I’m bound now for glory

Leftover High Life

Let me tell my story.”

When old friends appeared on Facebook, with stories from our adventures in Ithaca, New York, during the 1970’s, the circle was complete. Utica Club and Piels were staple brands in my drinking repertoire at that distant time. Yet I remembered sneaking away from volunteer work at Channel 13 (where I had a Cornell television apprenticeship) to buy a six-pack of High Life, which would make the day of technology immersion more palatable. While not officially approved, my secret stayed buried under yards of video cable and studio props. No one seemed eager to spoil the moment:

“Leftover High Life

Back-shelf oversight

Leftover High Life

I’m ready to drink all night

Leftover High Life

This ol’ boy feels no sorrow

Leftover High Life

Gonna pop caps until tomorrow!”

Retirement is an experience I still struggle to embrace. But with the spirit of Frederick Miller looking down upon my humble shack in Geauga County, it is one I will continue to explore.

Comments or questions about ‘Words on the loose’ may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com

Write us at: P.O. Box 365 Chardon, OH 44024

Published weekly in the Geauga Independent

“The More You Know? Please...”

c. 2017 Cheryl Kelly

All rights reserved

(11-17)

It was a rare occasion the other evening that I had the opportunity to sit down for a length of time and watch some television. And even rarer still that I actually got through a couple of programs without falling asleep half way during. Most of the times I’m watching something previously recorded by me on my DVR when I find time – wonderful invention by the way – and I have the luxury of fast forwarding through the endless commercials cutting down an hour program to about 35 minutes. However, this particular evening, I was actually watching something “live” and had to endure the continual advertisements and previews. I have to say that some of the commercials out there now are quite creative and downright funny, and I think to myself what a great job that would be; to be on the writing team for a fun product and working for a company that thinks outside the box and is not afraid to be progressive. But, just as I was finding myself enjoying them, on the screen came a celebrity making one of those public announcement speeches. You know the ones I’m talking about...they end with a catch phrase of something like “The more you know...” As I watched and listened, I felt myself getting increasingly annoyed as each second passed.

“How pretentious...” I thought to myself. Here is this overpaid athlete taking time out of his grueling existence of being paid exorbitant amounts of money to play a game, to give me the benefit of his advice on how to be a better parent. I sat there and thought about who the network big wigs were trying to reach. And who out there would be swayed by this football player who somehow has become an expert on parenting simply because he is famous on Sunday afternoons. What nitwit out there is watching and suddenly changing their bad parenting ways simply because all-star QB said they should? Thank goodness he swooped in to save the children! Whatever would we low-life parents do without his advice. Okay, so I was a bit more than annoyed…

I never quite understood the obsession with some people with celebrities. I’m not someone who pans through the tabloids waiting to see what is happening next with the Kardashians, nor am I going out of my way to run out and buy the next big wave of fashion that the new models are wearing, nor am I wasting my time or brain cells for that matter, making sure I keep up with Taylor Swift’s love life. Perhaps it is just a distraction for some people to keep themselves from dealing with their own reality? I do not profess to have an inkling as to the motivation behind it and I try my best not to judge others, even though I sound a bit judgmental at the moment. The issue I have is the use of media like television to promote an agenda, whatever that might be, to otherwise unsuspecting individuals who just want to watch a program. It’s one thing, if I decide to buy a magazine and have the choice to not read something, quite another to be a bit of a captive audience to a network of people making that decision for me on what I will be exposed to. Now, I know, I could change the channel, walk out of the room and wait for it to be over...blah, blah, blah, and I get that, but who is going to do that? Most people just sit and listen and wade through the interruptions waiting for their program to return, and those networks know that, and they exploit it.

Now, the scary thing here is that quite a few children watch television, right or wrong, and unlike adults who are not (typically) easily persuaded, they are a bit more vulnerable and malleable. And if parents aren’t the most diligent, such as the kind that our hero the all-star QB is trying his best to guide, they could be subject to some ideals and thoughts that some parents might otherwise not want for them. The same is true for the Internet as well. Children today are exposed to so many more things and at an earlier age that generations before them never imagined all due to the wonderful advancements of technology. And even though we benefit greatly as a society due to this evolution, it comes with a caveat. There is much to be gained from it, and much to be harmed by it at the same time, all the more reason for caution and awareness. Look, I just made my own public announcement...the more you know…

Editor’s Note: I do agree with what Cheryl is saying in her column. We have become active in worship of celebrity and fame. But this status reminds me of what used to be said of ‘Angelyne’ the West Coast billboard model and 80’s fad icon – she was “famous for being famous.” Real value comes from mothers and fathers who work hard on the job and at home with their families. They provide the building blocks of our society. Famous folk simply gaze at their reflection in the mirror and bask in artificial sunshine provided by media glitz. I reckon “the more you know” then the less you’ll be paying attention to such shallow, self-important figures.