Every Guy’s Girl

by Cheryl Kelly

(5-17)

Having always been a sort of tomboy since I can remember, I wonder lately, if this has hurt me when it comes to my relationships with men. First let me explain what I mean by tomboy because for me, it wasn’t necessarily from a sports or games perspective. It was more of a cut the grass; don’t mind getting dirty, go fishing with my Dad thing when I was younger. I even remember overhearing my Dad talking to a friend of his saying that I should have been a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I have my fair share of memories playing with Barbie dolls and this isn’t a gender article by any stretch of the imagination, so bear with me as I get to my point.

As I got older, I definitely gravitated toward the guys. I found their conversation and their company much more interesting and fun than that of some of my girlfriends. I just found them easier to talk to and there wasn’t this air of competition that can be there between girls. I could just say what I thought without filtration; not to mention the advice I got on relationships was stellar. I wasn’t much of a girly girl either. I wasn’t interested in who liked who, I didn’t spend hours picking out the “right” clothes; nor did I spend hours doing my hair and I wore minimal make-up. For me, school wasn’t the social venture it was for most. I had a few close girlfriends that to this day those memories I wouldn’t trade for anything, however, I always felt at times through my high school years as though I had better things to do and I didn’t have time for the petty issues that most teenage girls spent hours fretting about.

I worked at an early age and couldn’t wait to get my license and my own place. My boyfriends along the way through high school and young adulthood were generally long-term relationships. I was not a hopper so to speak, moving from one to the next. I did, however, have a lot of male friends and that continues to this day, and it can be a problem when it comes to relationships. Apparently there are men who have trouble accepting that a woman can actually be strictly friends with someone from the opposite sex. Who knew?

Let’s talk about this for a moment. I have never had a problem with my man having friends of the opposite sex unless something has happened where my trust has been violated. I had a boyfriend once say to me that no man is friends with a woman to be just friends. The ultimate goal is sex. I disagree. Do I think that sex has crossed their mind, of course, as it also has hers. Newsflash men, you don’t own the sex corner. Women think about it too. However, just because the thought is there, does not mean that it lingers and defines the relationship. I have many male friends who I have no intention of sleeping with; it is just not how I look at them, nor how our relationships are built.

Back to the topic at hand, being self-sufficient from an early age, I have always worked, paid my own way and took care of myself. I’m not saying that I didn’t have help at times along the way, but I was an active participant in my own life and meeting my own needs. That did not change when I entered into any relationship. I had no problem stepping up and doing my fair share. It was not an issue to, at times, pay more or do more than my share. My thoughts were always centered on what was good for “us”, not “me”. I’m not the kind of woman that has expectations that the man will be the end all do all. Sorry if that hurts your egos guys.

The point I’m trying to make here is that I used to think that what I brought to the table was pretty good and something that would be attractive to a man. I am confident in my abilities to take care of myself and my boys, I am very low maintenance. Let me clarify that before your mind goes off in a different direction. I like beer and football, I do get my hair done, but my nails are not finely polished. I like my alone time and I believe everyone deserves time alone and time with their friends. There are other relationships in everyone’s life that need attention, not just the one you have with your man or woman. I don’t mind getting dirty, again let me clarify, in the sense that I don’t shy away from hard work.

I am what I like to think is a guy’s girl...but I think I may have shot myself in the foot. My relationships struggle at times and I don’t always understand. It seems that men flip on me. They like what I bring to the table, until it is on their table and I am left wondering what happened. When did these positive attributes become my enemy? When did being a beer drinking, football loving, hard working, accepting woman with a good sense of humor become a negative? Why is it that every guy’s girl continues to miss…the guy?