“Terrible Meanness and Beautiful Kindness”

c. 2018 Cheryl Kelly

(5-18)

Isn’t it odd how life gives you signs and shows you things that you weren’t looking for? That it can take one single, simple moment and make it have such an impact on you that you just can’t stop thinking about it and what it means…? That it can alter your thinking in one second or change your view with one experience? That it can show you terrible meanness and beautiful kindness all at the same time? Here’s a story I’d like to share of one such event for me…

A friend and I stopped after work one evening for a beer and a bite to eat at a local restaurant and bar. We grabbed a couple open bar stools and ordered our beers. We were there for about a half hour or so talking and watching the ball game on the big screen over the bar when I caught part of a conversation that was going on between a couple of people sitting a stool away from me. Now I’m not one to eavesdrop, but there was a tone to this conversation that grabbed my attention and so I nonchalantly tuned in. It was between this young woman, I would say in her early twenties, and this clearly drunk older man about sixty if I had to guess. The young woman was sitting at the bar looking up at one of the screens drinking a glass of water, and the man was speaking at her (yes I do mean “at”) spewing the most hateful things. “You know what you are don’t you? A waste, a piece of shit...” I looked at them, wondering if I really heard what I think I just heard.

The young woman was quiet for the longest time as the man continued to taunt her with one vile comment after another. She finally looked at him and responded with, “You don’t even know me. You don’t know anything about me...” By this time, my friend had noticed I had gotten preoccupied elsewhere and he began to get wind of the situation unfolding, along with several other patrons at the bar. It dawned on me after taking a long look, that this young woman clearly had some issues. It wasn’t just in the way she was dressed in her mismatched clothes and what looked to be pajama pants, or the way her hair looked as though it hadn’t seen a brush in awhile. It was her uncontrollable shaking of her leg and her slight disconnection from the immediate environment that made it clear to me that she was an addict of some type and was struggling at the moment.

Not being able to listen any further to the hate that continued to pour from this man’s mouth like vomit, I turned in my stool to face them and told the young woman to change her seat and come over by us; that she did not have to listen to that any longer. She picked up her water and walked down by us and sat on the other side of my friend saying a quiet “thank you”. The inebriated man then turned his hatred towards me and my friend asking us if we were “alright with that” pointing his finger at the young woman. My friend and I exchanged some words with the man telling him that she wasn’t hurting anyone, that she was quietly sitting drinking her water without disturbing him or anyone else, and who was he to judge or comment on anyone…? The conversation escalated with the old man, filled with liquid courage, calling my friend out for a fight. We both just looked at each other unbelieving that this was transpiring. I give a ton of credit to my friend too...it’s not easy to keep your head calm and cool when you’re being called names and called out to fight by someone who clearly needs his ass beat.

Finally, after waiting too long in my opinion, the manager of the bar approached the old man and escorted him outside. My friend and I went about our evening, ordering a drink and some food for our new friend who was clearly hungry. Although reluctant to eat at first, she soon warmed up and began to eat. We boxed up what she did not eat and told her to take it home for later. As we were finishing up our own food and drink, the manager stopped by to talk to us, trying to explain that the old man was a regular, a Veteran and had many times been kicked out of the bar for his behavior. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask, “then why is he still allowed in?”, or “what does being a Veteran have to do with anything?”, but I didn’t. I know the manager was trying to excuse the old man’s poor behavior, and although I understand why, I think my friend summed it up best when he said, “People like that don’t change.”

A bit later something happened that I have not been able to get out of my head. Another man quietly stepped between me and my friend, he put his arms around our shoulders and without saying a word, looked at me and kissed me hard and long on my cheek and then looked at my friend and extended his hand to which my friend took to give it a good firm shake. Then just like that, without a word, the stranger turned and left the bar. My friend and I sat and stared at each other for a long moment wondering what just happened. We weren’t sure what to say. Neither of us knew this man nor did we remember seeing him in the bar at any time. I don’t know why this gesture has made such an impact on me...but it has. I have rerun that whole scene over and over again in my head wondering whether it was just someone simply saying “thank you” for your kindness or if it was a sign of some sort. All I know is that in one typical afternoon, I got a chance to witness life, at its worst and at its best, the worst in people and the best in people...utter meanness and beautiful kindness.