“Friend, Acquaintance...Or Other?”

c. 2018 Cheryl Kelly

All rights reserved

(6-18)

Throughout life, people come and people go. Some have longevity and hang for awhile, almost morphing into the family zone; others are here for only a short period of time, as if to serve some immediate purpose or need and then they are gone, never to return; and then there are those that flit in and out of your life jumping in here and there for undetermined amounts of time, and then they disappear, only to reappear a bit later to pick up right where they left off. It got me thinking about the people in my own life, and how I view those relationships. Are they friends, acquaintances, persons of interest…? What I have found, with myself, is that it comes down to how much I share of myself with them, not necessarily the amount of time I spend with them, that makes the determination for me.

Let’s start with the “other” category. These are the people that you see on a semi-regular basis. You may or may not remember their name, but there is something about them that draws your attention. It might be the way they smile, or the way they treat others, or the way they hold themselves at a gathering. They could be a coworker that perhaps you only see when you go to the cafeteria for a soda, or see at a company function. They could be someone you see regularly at the grocery store that you have idle conversations with on occasion, or it could be the guy that works on your car when it needs an oil change or a new set of wiper blades. No matter who they are, they play a role. They are the “potential” friend or acquaintance if given enough time. They are someone that you think in your head, “there’s someone who’s nice...someone I’d like to have a cup of coffee with sometime...” or in my case, a beer.

Next we have the acquaintance. This is someone who you have decided is worth your time to get to know better. They have sparked enough interest for you and have the “right” qualities and are on their way to the friend zone, but have been sidelined for one reason or another. You have decided that they are worth extending yourself a bit more to explore the possibility of friendship. On the surface the relationship with an acquaintance resembles friendship, but it has limitations. This is someone you spend time with occasionally, however, this person is not someone you open up to, not someone who is your “go-to” in times of crisis, nor is this someone who has your full trust. Now this isn’t because they have done something wrong, or has been deemed by you to be untrustworthy; it’s simply someone who just doesn’t fit in the friend mold all the way, at least not just yet. I have many acquaintances and I spend time with all of them, and I would think that if you asked them, they would define our relationship as a friendship, but technically, it’s missing some key components for me; components that my friends have been able to zone in on.

Solid friendships are hard to come by, at least for me. Friends are those choice few people in your life who come to mind when you want to share. Whether it be good news about a new job or hot guy that started at work; bad news like those curve balls that life throws your way every once in awhile; or sad news about tragedies in your life or your newly broken heart. When those things hit you, you know exactly who you need to talk to. Before you can even begin to wrap your own head around it, you are already dialing his or her number because you want them to know or you need help – their help, their guidance, their thought process on how to handle it. It matters to you what they think and how they feel. Their advice and opinion is golden and it influences your thoughts and your reactions. Friends are those select few who you have entrusted with the most devastating, hurtful, and embarrassing moments in your life. They are also the ones with whom you have shared the most beautiful, loving and joyful moments.

People who have entered my friend zone are among the most cherished persons in my life. Outside of my family, they are in my thoughts constantly. Even though life has a way of interrupting our time together at times, we always seem to find each other again. They are understanding, caring, compassionate people who I trust with some of the most intimate facts of my life. And even though my numbers are few, I feel incredibly fortunate. They help get me through this thing called life, and I hope I do the same for them. I am privileged to know them, to share their time, and I happily call them “friend”.