c. 2018 Cheryl Kelly
All rights reserved
(11-18)
Ever notice that we
as a species, human beings that is, as intelligent as we are,
struggle terribly with communication? You would think that for as
advanced as we claim to be, we would have this thing called “talking”
down by now. But, we don’t. More people have misunderstandings
simply due to the fact that their message was not communicated
effectively. In other words, what was in their minds prior to
speaking, was completely different than what was actually voiced to
the intended recipient.
I, of course, would
be no exception to this rule. No matter how well thought out the
conversation in my head is, no matter how carefully plotted, when it
comes down to the delivery, it is, at times, sorely lacking. Why
does this happen? How can something be so incredibly clear in one
moment and then so utterly destroyed the next? What happens during
translation?
I think for me it
has to do with an inherent discomfort with confrontation. Fear of
the unknown – how will my message be received; how will it be
interpreted; what if it is misread; what if it isn’t understood the
way it should be? Now of course, any logical person could see that
there is no way to know how someone else is going to react to any
particular message at any given time. But, then there’s me, who
will attempt to prepare a response to every possible outcome in the
hopes of dodging said potential confrontation. Yes, if you are
wondering, it is exhausting!
Most “normal”
people, however, speak their mind and deal with whatever is thrown at
them accordingly. This is a skill that, even given my older age, I
seem to have not been able to master. I think at times it serves me
well, as there is a built in pause button. This enables me to not
speak too quickly and keep the emotional responses under my thumb a
bit. There are times though that it does not serve me at all. Those
times I find myself responding much too late, losing whatever
appropriate impact I wished to make and then struggling to make my
point at a later time costing me the desired punch I wanted to land.
Nowadays, the
communication gaps come via the written word more so than the spoken
one. Conversations through text, instant message or other
technological means create a whole other avenue for misunderstanding.
People cannot express themselves accurately enough at times through
the written word as they can verbally. Lost inflection and tone can
create issues not to mention the lost facial expressions and body
language that “speak” volumes. I cannot tell you how many times
I have read a text or an email and took a meaning completely
different from what was intended. That being said, we live in a
world where communication is less and less face to face. Ever watch
couples or families today out to eat, each with their phone in hand
and not engaging one another, not even being present? It’s a sad
commentary – the bad part is that people seem to be unaware of just
how damaging this is. Losing that much needed human contact will
have an impact down the line.
This growing
communication gap opens up a whole other challenge, and that is word
choice. Our current world is so centered around being fast-paced and
efficient. No one has any time anymore. Everyone is so incredibly
busy that even our written conversations are short and abbreviated.
For those of you with teenagers, if you have ever read their messages
to each other or their posts on social media, you know what I’m
talking about...lol. And what gets lost yet again? Meaning...the
message...the thought process. We have forgotten about the
importance of being together, listening, feeling, enjoying each
other, being human. It is so critical that we find each other again,
that we make the time for each other to remember just how important
real one-on-one communication is. We are, after all, people...just
say it!
Editor’s Note:
Cheryl highlights an important point here. “Lost inflection and
tone can create issues, not to mention the lost facial expressions
and body language...” I remember having to address a similar subject
with employees on my staff, as a retail manager. In particular, with
a young pharmacist, fresh out of school. He had a persistent habit of
irritating customers with an arrogant, condescending tone of
speaking. I once admonished him to consider that “Although your
message is impeccable, the manner in which you deliver it is flawed.”
Predictably, he was wide-eyed and befuddled by my observation. Only
when his career with the company fell into jeopardy did he fully
ponder the value of my advice. Using text to communicate may flip
that truism. Without the soft edges and nuances of personal
communication, a line of words might project a cold and impersonal
sentiment not intended by the sender. Moods often fail to make the
electronic journey in a message. Pauses for breath and consideration,
a humble posture, sweeping gestures indicating familial vibes… all
may lose a seat when thoughts are carried on an e-platform. This is a
subject worthy of reflection.
