"Just Say It"

c. 2018 Cheryl Kelly

All rights reserved

(11-18)

Ever notice that we as a species, human beings that is, as intelligent as we are, struggle terribly with communication? You would think that for as advanced as we claim to be, we would have this thing called “talking” down by now. But, we don’t. More people have misunderstandings simply due to the fact that their message was not communicated effectively. In other words, what was in their minds prior to speaking, was completely different than what was actually voiced to the intended recipient.

I, of course, would be no exception to this rule. No matter how well thought out the conversation in my head is, no matter how carefully plotted, when it comes down to the delivery, it is, at times, sorely lacking. Why does this happen? How can something be so incredibly clear in one moment and then so utterly destroyed the next? What happens during translation?

I think for me it has to do with an inherent discomfort with confrontation. Fear of the unknown – how will my message be received; how will it be interpreted; what if it is misread; what if it isn’t understood the way it should be? Now of course, any logical person could see that there is no way to know how someone else is going to react to any particular message at any given time. But, then there’s me, who will attempt to prepare a response to every possible outcome in the hopes of dodging said potential confrontation. Yes, if you are wondering, it is exhausting!

Most “normal” people, however, speak their mind and deal with whatever is thrown at them accordingly. This is a skill that, even given my older age, I seem to have not been able to master. I think at times it serves me well, as there is a built in pause button. This enables me to not speak too quickly and keep the emotional responses under my thumb a bit. There are times though that it does not serve me at all. Those times I find myself responding much too late, losing whatever appropriate impact I wished to make and then struggling to make my point at a later time costing me the desired punch I wanted to land.

Nowadays, the communication gaps come via the written word more so than the spoken one. Conversations through text, instant message or other technological means create a whole other avenue for misunderstanding. People cannot express themselves accurately enough at times through the written word as they can verbally. Lost inflection and tone can create issues not to mention the lost facial expressions and body language that “speak” volumes. I cannot tell you how many times I have read a text or an email and took a meaning completely different from what was intended. That being said, we live in a world where communication is less and less face to face. Ever watch couples or families today out to eat, each with their phone in hand and not engaging one another, not even being present? It’s a sad commentary – the bad part is that people seem to be unaware of just how damaging this is. Losing that much needed human contact will have an impact down the line.

This growing communication gap opens up a whole other challenge, and that is word choice. Our current world is so centered around being fast-paced and efficient. No one has any time anymore. Everyone is so incredibly busy that even our written conversations are short and abbreviated. For those of you with teenagers, if you have ever read their messages to each other or their posts on social media, you know what I’m talking about...lol. And what gets lost yet again? Meaning...the message...the thought process. We have forgotten about the importance of being together, listening, feeling, enjoying each other, being human. It is so critical that we find each other again, that we make the time for each other to remember just how important real one-on-one communication is. We are, after all, people...just say it!

Editor’s Note: Cheryl highlights an important point here. “Lost inflection and tone can create issues, not to mention the lost facial expressions and body language...” I remember having to address a similar subject with employees on my staff, as a retail manager. In particular, with a young pharmacist, fresh out of school. He had a persistent habit of irritating customers with an arrogant, condescending tone of speaking. I once admonished him to consider that “Although your message is impeccable, the manner in which you deliver it is flawed.” Predictably, he was wide-eyed and befuddled by my observation. Only when his career with the company fell into jeopardy did he fully ponder the value of my advice. Using text to communicate may flip that truism. Without the soft edges and nuances of personal communication, a line of words might project a cold and impersonal sentiment not intended by the sender. Moods often fail to make the electronic journey in a message. Pauses for breath and consideration, a humble posture, sweeping gestures indicating familial vibes… all may lose a seat when thoughts are carried on an e-platform. This is a subject worthy of reflection.