c. 2025 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(5-25)
The Geauga County Commissioners were generally amicable when meeting with each other, to discuss business in their territory. All of them looked upon their service as a privilege. Yet with the revamping of operations at Evergreen Estates, suddenly, their work had become less rewarding and more tedious. Complaints multiplied by a thousand times over, once the copy of a DOGE plan had been instituted for residents of this isolated, trailer community.
Gretel Hahn was the first to speak candidly at their confab. She had long been a public representative of the group, and often spoke to media organizations across northeastern Ohio. Her elegant appearance and sophisticated manner usually inspired confidence when answering questions from reporters and correspondents. But now, she struggled to appear knowledgeable about her own area and its needs.
“I’d like to read this bulletin from the official park owners, regarding their Thompson Township property, just in case you haven’t seen it yet. Would that be acceptable to everyone?”
All heads nodded in unison.
“Of course! Of course!”
The county steward fiddled with a pair of reading glasses, on a length of gold chain. Her voice cracked a bit while speaking.
“Dana Alvarez has now been discharged as part of the efficiency program being instituted by VMS Financial, a division of Golden Opportunities, Incorporated. Please be aware that your comments or questions are very important to us, and may be directed to the proper individuals by using one of our convenient methods for contact...”
Portnoy Fleck unbuttoned his shirt collar, after loosening a necktie patterned with logos of Cleveland sports franchises. He was younger and less refined than the commissioner matron.
“I don’t get the upshot of this message. What’s their strategy? They basically want to abandon residents to fend for themselves? Isn’t that crazy, considering all the trouble we’ve had on that infamous patch of dirt?”
Ms. Hahn smiled with a hint of sorrow.
“They are cutting costs and services, while raising rates. It’s bound to benefit their bottom line...”
Dan Dulnikowski grunted and tapped his pen on the conference table. He had the look of a college intern from some far-flung, European nation.
“Won’t that piss off the neighborhood? I heard their lot rent went up by $75.00 per month!”
Commissioner Hahn closed her eyes. She was thin-lipped and stiff.
The sheriff called me yesterday. They’ve had a dozen serious incidents since the new plan of supervision went into effect. It’s chaos on steroids, you might say...”
Fleck tugged at his open collar. He had begun to perspire.
“Those people have always been nuts. We need to keep them on a shorter leash, not a longer one. Who actually owns the property, anyway? Can’t we get in touch with them, to discuss the issues at hand?”
Their moderator sighed, and took off her spectacles before answering.
“We just don’t know exactly. It’s VMS Financial as a backer, the legal owner has changed numerous times. At one point they were held by a firm in California, then a consortium rum by a sister of the late Esmeralda Jonovic, the late militia queen...”
Dulnikowski spat saliva from roaring defiantly.
“EZZIE JONOVIC? WHAT THE HELL? I THOUGHT ALL HER FAMILY ENDED UP IN PRISON!”
Ms. Hahn had to pause, and smooth her wrinkled, silk blouse.
“The Jonovic brood was pardoned, en masse, after our current president returned to power...”
Commissioner Fleck wheezed for his breath. He blazed in a bright shade of red.
“PARDONED? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS! THEY WERE IMPLICATED IN ALL SORTS OF CRAZY ACTIVITIES! LIKE ONCE TRYING TO SECEDE FROM OUR BUCKEYE STATE!”
Their acting leader nodded with a serious expression of concern.
“Yes, I know all of that, thank you. There are many political angles on this, and we don’t want to be caught looking foolish. There is a lot of support for the DOGE effort here in our county. It makes sense to working people who must live within their means as a matter of course...”
Whispering commenced as the panel debated over their responsibilities. Finally, Dan Dulnikowski pushed his roller seat back from the table.
“So, what you’re saying is we get to babysit that village of mobile homes, because the owners have decoupled from day-to-day operations?”
Hahn bit her lip, and frowned.
“Essentially, yes. I spoke to Sheriff Rath about the history of that park, and obviously, he was already well aware of everything. While some might consider the population to rest on a societal fringe, keep in mind that they vote! We can’t just ignore them, or their concerns. They represent views that are held by many local citizens...”
Portnoy Fleck shrugged and exhaled loudly.
“This is their efficiency. Paring down everything, letting the batshit thinking run wild?”
Their primary adviser glared with a tone of indignation. She did not enjoy being in such a precarious position.
“Batshit, to be literal, is a pejorative term, sir! Be careful with your
language! What you say here in private might get leaked to the press!”
Dulnikowski laughed and scratched his angular chin.
“There’s a guy at Evergreen Estates who runs a residential association. He’s been a thorn in our side for years. Always bleating about multi-level marketing ideas, saving beverage cans for charity, holding elections for park officers when nobody participates, those kinds of things. How do you think he will react to having no guardrails in place, in that dirtbag community?”
Commissioner Hahn nearly choked.
“Stop it! Stop it already! Quit being so judgmental about those poor souls! They are just like you and me, don’t consider yourself above them or anybody! Their ballot counts the same as yours or mine!”
Howling filled the small chamber. An obvious mood of dissension had taken hold.
Fleck raised his hand as if signifying opposition.
“I NEVER LIVED IN ONE OF THOSE GLORIFIED SHIPPING CONTAINERS! COUNT ME OUT OF THAT BUNCH! I WOULDN’T WANT TO WALLOW IN THE MUD LIKE A PIG!”
His equals on the commission echoed this sentiment, all around the room.
“Bulldoze that dump! Knock it down! Knock it down!”
Their long-term administrator raised her gavel at last. She had endured enough.
“IT IS WHAT IT IS. WE’VE GOT TO LIVE WITH THINGS AS THEY ARE. THIS MEETING IS ADJOURNED! GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE!”
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