c. 2025 Rod Ice
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(4-25)
The Location: WVIZ studios, Cleveland, Ohio
The Players: Nolte Khandarian, program moderator; Freda Fronk, freelance commentator and activist; Dort Munder, columnist from the Plain Dealer newspaper; Shale Seagrave, token conservative participant
NOLTE KHANDARIAN: “Welcome to the weekly broadcast of ‘PBS Rising Up Roundtable!’ We’ve got quite a bit of ground to cover, so let’s begin immediately...”
FREDA FRONK: “I can’t think of anything more important than the rise of sales for Elon Musk’s Swasticars! May we begin there, Madam Moderator?”
DORT MUNDER: “I agree, that is the most important story of this news cycle! What a horrific turn of events!”
SHALE SEAGRAVE: “I’m the oddball here, quite honestly, this story means almost nothing to me...”
(Gasps resound across the panel)
N. KHANDARIAN: (Straightening a Ukrainian flag pin on her lapel) “I think we all expect some people to miss the importance of this continuing saga. But we will unpack it, anyway. After many incidents of public shaming, setting fires at dealerships, and vandalizing cars, some owners have been dumping their Tesla vehicles. But one county here in Ohio has bucked that trend. Geauga has posted the greatest rise in Cybertruck sales we’ve seen anywhere in the United States! Apparently, it is because of a single neighborhood in a rural township, where a community of mobile homes is located...”
F. FRONK: (Looking sick at her stomach) “I am literally shaking! What could possibly justify such a development?”
D. MUNDER: “I’d rather have a stout, European brew than talk about this nonsense. But there you have it, I think we all know the history of that particular garbage pit!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Wrinkling her pointed nose) “You’ve just insulted a whole group of voters, doesn’t that matter at all?”
N. KHANDARIAN: (Peering through thick, oversized glasses) “I think that reasonable people are concerned with the connection of Elon Musk to Tesla vehicles. His bold use of a Nazi salute at a recent rally was shocking, to say the least!”
F. FRONK: (Thumping her folder of printed articles) “Yes! He’s a Nazi! A Nazi! A Nazi!”
D. MUNDER: (Nodding in agreement) “A Nazi, indeed! Nazi, Nazi, Nazi!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Shrugging with her eyes closed) “See, members of the intelligentsia and mainstream press often like to toss that word around, like playing volleyball. But when real Nazis speak out, to harass Jewish students, deny the Holocaust, and urge us to eradicate their people from the earth, you often have little or nothing to say...”
(More gasps echo around the room)
N. KHANDARIAN: (Clearly shocked) “I can’t let that comment go, Shale! It’s false, false, false, so false!”
F. FRONK: (Raising her fist in the air) “False! As an independent woman, I am offended!”
D. MUNDER: (Shouting defiantly) “False!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Grinding her teeth) “Is there really a point in having me on this show? Your minds are already made up, I think.”
N. KHANDARIAN: (Shaking her head) “It is important to consider a variety of viewpoints. With that in mind, let’s move on to our next subject...”
F. FRONK: (Interrupting her program host) “No, actually, I think we ought to dig deeper, Nolte! The residents of that trailer park are not poised to spend large sums of money on modes of transportation. It’s a working-class neighborhood. So, where are they getting the cash for a down payment? Or funds to satisfy an installment plan?”
D. MUNDER: (Brightening at this suggestion) “It’s pertinent to our discussion! How can poor people who live in repurposed shipping containers afford something like a Cybertruck?”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Finally hitting her groove) “While the rest of you have been out canvassing supporters of Bernie Sanders, AOC, and Elizabeth Warren, I looked into the purchase plan. It’s actually a novel idea, based on the Rent-A-Center paradigm. You know, rent for now, and eventually own, if you choose. There are financiers that have been marketing trailers with that option for many years...”
N. KHANDARIAN: (Manifesting disbelief) “Rent to own? My goodness, how many payments does that take?”
F. FRONK: “It sounds like legalized loan sharking to me!”
D. MUNDER: (Sneering) “A stupid plan for stupid people!”
S. SEAGRAVE: “You have to understand the mindset of those who live in longbox homes. They don’t have a lot to work with, most families exist on a small fraction of what any of us earn from our employers. They work with their hands. They don’t have good credit ratings. They innovate and survive as best they can...”
D. MUNDER: (Condescendingly) “I work with my hands! Typing at a keyboard, that is!”
F. FRONK: (With indignation) “Oh yes! I’m no elitest, just because I have my own office, and a university endowment! Call me working class, to the core! As a proud warrior for justice, I’ve earned everything I have!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Sighing loudly) “You’re missing the point, friends. Such citizens don’t have many alternatives. They fall prey to schemes like these, easily. But the other side of that coin is now, they have new vehicles to get around. Something few of them could afford any other way...”
F. FRONK: “You couldn’t pay me to drive a Swasticar! Elon Musk is a disgusting piece of filth! A Nazi!”
D. MUNDER: “A Nazi!”
N. KHANDARIAN: “I agree, sadly. A Nazi!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Speaking with frustration) “See, you’re all doing it again. Going back to playing intellectual volleyball. When the Governor of Pennsylvania was put in danger, by an arsonist intruder, did you call his assailant by that name?”
N. KHANDARIAN: (Looking confused) “Umm... I haven’t read anything that says he was a Nazi like Elon Musk!”
F. FRONK: (Stiffening slightly) “No, not a Nazi that I know of!”
D. MUNDER: (Tapping his pen on the conference table) “No one has called him a Nazi!”
S. SEAGRAVE: “This criminal attacked a Jewish governor and his family on the first day of Passover, and you have no comments to offer?”
N. KHANDARIAN: (Looking confused) “I haven’t seen anything that says he was a Nazi like Elon!”
F. FRONK: “No, not a Nazi that I know of, honestly!”
D. MUNDER: “No one has called him a Nazi!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Gaining confidence) “See, that’s it right there. You wouldn’t think of jumping to that conclusion in this instance. Your response is measured...”
N. KHANDARIAN: “What is your point, Shale? You’ve lost me completely!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Folding her hands like a lawyer doing their summation) “When you hear certain people say things that are anti-Semitic, and extreme, hesitation keeps you from clapping back. You want to parse words and use care in passing judgment. But then you are clumsy with the terminology involved, when it comes to addressing your opponents...”
F. FRONK: (Reddening) “Not at all! I speak truth to power!”
D. MUNDER: (Beginning to sweat) “I am proud to traffic in the truth!’
N. KHANDARIAN: “The truth, and nothing but the truth!”
S. SEAGRAVE: “The real story here is about VMS, an unknown dealer and loan provider making this possible. Do you know who is involved? Have you investigated that company? Have you asked any questions? Have you wondered about any of the details?”
N. KHANDARIAN: (With a blank expression) “Honestly, no!”
F. FRONK: “Umm... no!”
D. MUNDER: (Frowning) “Of course not! No!”
S. SEAGRAVE: “Venca Motorized Solutions is rumored to be connected with our former Senator, and current Vice President. Did you know anything about that?”
Jaws dropped around the table.
N. KHANDARIAN: (Turning pale) “Honestly, no!”
F. FRONK: “Umm... no, no, no!”
D. MUNDER: (Frowning) “Well, honestly, no!”
S. SEAGRAVE: (Taking a deep breath) “There you go, that’s the storyline. I would suggest that instead of throwing stones, you need to start turning them over, and looking for clues!”
N. KHANDARIAN: (Waving to the camera for a quick exit) “Annnnnnnd, that’s all the time we have! Thank you everyone! Tune in next week for another episode of the PBS Rising Up Roundtable! Thank you very much! Stay vigilant! And stay informed!”
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