c. 2025 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(12-25)
Gossip has always traveled rapidly when compared to factual reporting, in every civilization. But with the advent of social media platforms, its velocity has been magnified many times over. And at Evergreen Estates, the ability of half-truths and rumors to spread is unmatched anywhere else in the region. Yet when I mentioned being contacted by a mysterious figure from the Proletariat Property Co-op, there was no fear of causing an uproar, attached. My neighbor, Trina Trelane, had often been an advocate for radical causes of various sorts. But within the park itself, she remained mostly anonymous. Her political bent did not fit the conservative tilt prevalent on our streets. So, few if any residents were connected with her, via cyberspace. Even when she promised to post about one of her drag heroines being a member of the New York credit union that had acquired our development, I did not flinch. It seemed unlikely that anyone nearby would be paying attention.
But I had forgotten an x-factor that would potentially upset the relative calm in our remote community.
Miss Poindexter, as she was known to many residents, did keep in touch with Darby Stronelli, the bold, spiky-haired snoop on my eastern flank. They were not close by any means, but stayed friendly because of a shared interest in gaming and making TikTok videos. So, when the news of Nova Caine being employed as a PPC representative went public, my long-time contact across the empty lot was intrigued. This innocent tidbit stuck in her head, quietly. Until enjoying an evening of female company in her party barn. As the Bud Light began to flow, her lips were loosened. Soon, she was babbling all sorts of nonsensical, nasty rubbish about others who lived up and down the boulevard. With a trio of ladies listening, intently.
Haki Speck had come straight to the festive meet from a workout session in her living room. She was still dressed in a pink sweatsuit, with her golden curls pulled up in a purple scrunchie.
“Dar, you always know how to spill the tea! You must stand at your window with binoculars or something! I think you have dirt on just about everyone in this place!”
Her sister-from-another-mister was amused.
“Nahhhhh, I don’t actually know too many people here. Not too many. But now and then I do hear something. And I do! Like with the new owners, now there’s a story! Oh boy, a messed up one, I think! Did you know they got a drag queen on their staff? How nuts is that? A big, fat, queenie who wears makeup like it was slapped on with a putty trowel! Ha ha ha ha! What is it with gay dudes, why do they go overboard like that?”
Haki blushed from embarrassment. She did not know how to respond.
“Oh really? Ohhhh, really? That is so shocking. Oh myyyy...”
Later in the evening, she remembered this candid comment, while at the dinner table with her husband. An insignificant wad of metaphorical fluff that she had carried home. But when she related being told about the financial adviser having a secret life, her husband nearly fell out of his chair. He did not take the report lightly.
“WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SAY, HONEY? A MAN IN WOMEN’S CLOTHES AND HIGH HEELS? WORKING AT THE COMPANY OFFICES OF OUR OWNERS? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! A GENUINELY DISGUSTING OUTRAGE! NO WONDER WELLS FARGO KEPT US IN THE DARK UNTIL THE DEAL WAS DONE! THIS POOR NEIGHBORHOOD WILL BE LIKE SODOM AND GOMORRAH, VERY, VERY SOON! I WON’T STAND FOR IT! WE WON’T STAND FOR IT! I’M GOING TO CALL PASTOR FORESTER AT OUR CHURCH OF THER LORD JESUS IN HEAVEN, RIGHT NOW! HE’LL PUT A STOP TO THIS NONSENSE! ONCE AND FOREVER!”
On Sunday morning, services at the township square were more boisterous than usual. After a brief sermon, holy communion, and prayer, the clergyman closed his Bible and asked parishioners to linger for a moment longer.
I stayed in the back row. Somehow, my presence was not noticed among the flock.
The preacher steadied his hands by gripping both sides of his lectern. Then, his speaking voice became hard and measured. He did not want to flub the appeal for action. It was too consequential, to be weak in the moment.
“Brothers and sisters in Christ, I have always implored you to be vigilant in defending the gospel. It is our mission as soldiers for God. But now, I ask you to remember what is written in the scriptures, specifically, in Psalm 94:11-16...”
He reopened his copy of the good book, and began to read, dramatically.
“The Lord knoweth the thoughts of man, that they are vanity. Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O Lord, and teachest him out of thy law; That thou mayest give him rest from the days of adversity, until the pit be digged for the wicked. For the Lord will not cast off his people, neither will he forsake his inheritance. But judgment shall return unto righteousness: and all the upright in heart shall follow it. Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? Or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?”
A silent pause stilled those in attendance. Then, they chanted in unison.
“AMEN PASTOR! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!”
Forester straightened his necktie, with a nervous twitch. And then raised his hands in praise.
“This is the will of our Heavenly Father! That we never grow tired in fighting for the faith! Every day of struggle is a gift to our creator! It is a blessing to serve! And we must serve now, as ambassadors for moral conduct. It has come to my attention that the new owners of that trailer community down the hill have plans afoot that are not in keeping with God’s word. They want to interject unwelcome ideas among our believers! Sinful, woeful ideas! Have you heard this, my friends? There was a movement to withhold rent payments, until this wrong has been made right. But it stalled. And yet now I tell you that indeed, it must happen! It will happen! Let none of you pay even a single cent in tribute to these arrogant masters in New York! Give them nothing but a rebuke from the Holy Spirit! Give them nothing but the wisdom of God, Almighty! Give them nothing but motivation to turn away from their seedy, salacious path, and find salvation in reverence to the Lord!”
The sanctuary erupted with religious zeal. I could feel the walls vibrating.
“AMEN! AMEN! AMEN AMEN!”
Stumbling along on my disability canes, I managed to exit the service ahead of everyone else. I knew that in the days ahead, there would be much conflict at our rural park. But for now, only one plan of action seemed in order.
I was going to get completely and utterly drunk.
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