c. 2026 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(6-26)
T. C. Lincoln had a restless bout of sleep after his unexpected encounter with Haki Speck. He tossed from side to side in his bed until the all the sheets and comforters had been pulled sideways, to the floor. Pillows were scattered around the small, crowded room. His C-PAP machine lost its hose, and blew a stream of air uselessly at the window. Images of his neighbor taunted him throughout the night. Cackling, cooing, giggling, pleading for affection, even chasing him through the darkness in lingerie that was completely inappropriate.
By morning, he was a wreck.
Instead of having a traditional breakfast with coffee, he went outside to the front porch where it was already 68 degrees. At his side was a large bottle of Kentucky bourbon. Upon popping the cork, and quenching his thirst, things began to regain their focus. His trembling hands became steady once more. He felt a sense of gyroscopic balance returning. A pleasant buzz of inebriation swelled in his head. Then, he slouched on the wooden bench.
The normal rush-hour of rusty trucks and cars heading off to work had already passed. So, a quiet mood took hold at Evergreen Estates. He listened to leafy branches swaying in the breeze, nearby. And his own wind chimes ringing out joyfully at the start of another day.
But from down the street, at its front corner, came a racket of marital unrest. Muffled shouting and breaking furniture could be heard above the usual sounds of a waking population. A persistent thudding and thumping of interpersonal combat filled his ears. Some sort of woeful exchange was transpiring, a few lots away. He sat on the edge of his perch, listening and looking for clues, while sipping the brown swill. Then, the origin of this uneasy display presented itself, directly. At the weathered, singlewide home of Linn and Haki Speck, their front door came off of its hinges and landed in the driveway.
Loud cursing followed this violent burst of destruction. It was punctuated by the shriek of a woman’s voice, groaning and sobbing with emotion.
“Honey, I told you what was going to happen yesterday! It couldn’t have been a surprise! You just didn’t think I had the courage, that’s all. You didn’t think I would really make peace with our neighbor at Lot 13!”
Linn was in his white undershirt and plaid, boxer shorts. He stood in the open doorway and shook his fists.
“YOU WENT OVER THERE TO APOLOGIZE! TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT, I ASK? TOWNSHEND LINCOLN IS AN ANTI-SOCIAL FREAK, TO PUT IT MILDLY! HE’S A MENACE IN THIS COMMUNITY, AND HIS BOXCAR HOVEL IS AN EYESORE! HE REEKS OF WHISKEY AND BEER, NOT TO MENTION THE ODOR OF SOMEONE WHO MUST NOT BATHE FOR WEEKS AT A TIME! HE IS GRITTY AND GREASY, AND SHAGGY LIKE A LOST DOG! NOBODY HAS ANY RESPECT FOR HIM, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!”
Haki stood at the edge of their lawn in her pink, ruffled nightgown. She wiped tears from both cheeks while attempting to explain her act of diplomacy.
“Yes, I wanted to settle things with him no matter how offensive he might look! The poor soul rarely goes anywhere, and doesn’t bother us, or anyone else in this development. I never see his family visiting, I don’t even know if he has anyone left to check on his well-being! The only reason you have to complain about him is your darned residential association! And that flopped because nobody really wanted to get involved. That’s the way of the world, honey. People moan and groan but never get together when it counts. Don’t blame that on the old drunk, it’s a sad part of human nature!”
Her spouse was sweaty and stammering to the point of slurring his words.
“NONSSSSSENSE! THAT’S A LOAD OF COW CRAPPP! WE WERE DOING FINE UNTIL HE STARTED DUMPING ON MY GOOD IDEAS! HE WOULDN’T BACK ME WHEN IT COUNTED! AND EVERYTHING FELL TO PIECES! HE SHOULD’VE BEEN EVICTED RIGHT THEN AND THERE! BELIEVE ME, I ARGUED THE POINT WITH OUR PARK MANAGER! BUT THAT BLACK-HAIRED HOOCHIE WOULDN’T LISTEN!”
His companion shook her head with frustration. Nothing she said seemed to invite calm to return. The temperature of their words kept increasing, exponentially.
“Link is a loner by nature. I’ve never seen him spend much time at bonfires or cookouts or parties. He’s a hermit. A reclusive, crazy, oddball guy. I think every place we’ve ever lived had someone like that. And it’s no crime to be happy with your own company. Not everyone needs to be praised and applauded just for getting out of bed in the morning!”
Linn reddened at this obvious bit of sarcasm. He stomped across the deck and growled, while pointing his index finger for emphasis.
“WAS THAT A CRACK AT ME, MRS. SPECK? DO YOU REALLY THINK I NEED TO BE CODDLED LIKE A DAMN CHILD? WELL I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A LOT TOUGHER THAN THAT SACK OF DUNG UP THE STREET! HE’S AN ALCOHOLIC BUM WITH BAD BREATH AND A BADDER ATTITUDE! NOBODY SHOULD EVER APOLOGIZE TO HIM ABOUT ANYTHING, OR WORRY OVER HIS PERSONAL LIFE! SCREW HIM AND HIS CUPBOARD FULL OF FIREWATER! HE CAN KISS MY ROUND ASS!”
Haki smirked visibly, while pulling her robe tighter with a silk tie at the waist.
“I think he kicked your ass instead of kissing it, honey. That’s why you still have bruises from his cane!”
A wild yowl of lost composure echoed from the deck. Their marital incident had run its course.
“I’M DONE WITH THIS ARGUMENT! YOU WILL COME BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW, AND START MAKING BACON AND EGGS! NOT ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THAT LOSER AT LOT 13, DO YOU HEAR ME? NOT ANOTHER WORD! BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN WIFE, AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! I MIGHT BE BRUISED, BUT I AM STILL THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSEHOLD!”
A silent moment passed between them, with each partner glaring at the other. Then, the statuesque female turned on her heel. She had surrendered any desire to be a peacemaker. Instead, for the first time, her thoughts turned to self-care and making an escape.
“I’m going to say this straight out, Mr. Speck. Your bullying days are done! You treat me like that, and Link like that, and frankly, everyone like that! Well, I can’t stomach it anymore. I’m taking the car and going on a road trip to Pennsylvania. My sister is waiting, she’s tried to talk me into leaving for months and years! You can sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Or go get whacked again, if you prefer. But I’ve had enough of your insults and taken enough of your orders. This is goodbye, honey. G-o-o-d bye!”
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