c. 2026 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(11-26)
The Setting: Studios occupied by the Fox News Channel, in New York City.
The Participants: Sean Hannity, program host; House of Representatives Speaker Mike Johnson; Vice President JD Vance; Grande Dame of the Republican Party in Geauga County, Ohio, Carrie Hamglaze.
SEAN HANNITY: “Welcome to a full hour of my show, which the Democrats will probably try to cancel next year, when their ‘blue wave’ winners take charge in Washington! But believe me, I’ve gotten through worse situations here, like the lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems! So, bring it on!”
MIKE JOHNSON: “I am out on my a** so it doesn’t really matter to me at this point...”
JD VANCE: “What about the next election cycle? I want a chance to live in the White House!”
CARRIE HAMGLAZE: “Do none of you think about anything besides you career goals?”
S. HANNITY: (Grimacing) “This is going to be a tough go for America over the next two years. Trans kids playing in girls sports, our borders wide open, fentanyl flooding our neighborhoods, Sharia Law enforced everywhere, taxes skyrocketing, electric vehicles being mandated, Christmas and Easter gone, and pineapple being put on pizza from coast to coast!”
M. JOHNSON: (Looking dejected) “I knew the tariffs and war with Iran were a hard sell. But our president didn’t want to hear my arguments. What else could I do but fall in line? This is embarrassing...”
JD VANCE: (With frustration) “I even defended Vivek Ramaswamy in Ohio! I mean, that was really going out on a limb. The guy has a potty mouth and a bad attitude. I can only imagine how he ran his pharmaceutical company! He made Dr. Amy Action look like a heroine! Anyway, that basically scuttled my chances of being the top dog in 2028. I am screwed!”
C. HAMGLAZE: “Listen to yourselves! This moaning and groaning is shameful! Do you think it is the first time a party got drubbed in an election? Where is your courage of conviction?”
S. HANNITY: “Rachel Madcow will be doing live broadcasts with every illegal immigrant, Palestinian refugee, disaffected college student, and homeless bum. That’s a lot of material on the cheap. My ratings are bound to plummet!”
M. JOHNSON: (Turning pale) “Trump hasn’t looked healthy since he got elected to a second term. The guy rambles incoherently, walks funny, and has swollen ankles. He’s like a grandpa who got lost in the woods after taking too much medication...”
JD VANCE: (Shaking his head) “I won’t be able to give away copies of ‘Hillbilly Elegy’ for free! That used to be a great sideline, it helped me afford campaign expenses when our money was going to prop up candidates in trouble. Now, I might as well find a big dumpster and load them up with the trash!”
C. HAMGLAZE: (Growing irritated) “Do you remember when Richard Nixon lost in 1960? People had him relegated to the ash heap of history. But by 1968, he was back and better than ever. Even with Vietnam and the Watergate scandal, one of our greatest leaders of all time! That didn’t happen by accident, gentlemen. It came from having grit and determination. From having a backbone made of steel. From having what they call in the political world, gravitas!”
S. HANNITY: (Flushing red) “Do people use that word anymore, Mrs. Hamglaze? I haven’t heard it in years!”
M. JOHNSON: “The word I would use to describe this mess is apocalyptic. This was like Armageddon in the Bible. We didn’t stand a chance at the ballot box! All we had to offer was foreign beef, Russian diesel fuel, a cold shoulder to Canada and Ukraine, and data centers everywhere! Who would vote for a platform like that?”
JD VANCE: “Kamala Harris must be giggling to herself. This defeat will make people forget how she flamed out in the primaries, and in a general election...”
C. HAMGLAZE: (Stiffening in her seat) “You fellows are weak as water! Listen to your complaining! When the voters speak so loudly as they did in this election, there is only one way to overcome such a loss. Roll up your sleeves, get organized, and work harder! Think smart and look toward the future! Crying about circumstances won’t do anything to get you over the finish line, when the next cycle comes around!”
S. HANNITY: (Hanging his head) “She’s right you know. I hate to admit it, but this old woman from Ohio is absolutely right.”
M. JOHNSON: “What’s right for me is retirement. I need to get out of this line of work...”
JD VANCE: (Growing angry) “I have kissed our president’s backside for two years now! He even joked about it in the past! And what has it gotten me? Plenty of ridicule in the national media, and probably a back seat when Marco Rubio gets nominated in 2028. Nobody takes me seriously. This isn’t why I joined the ticket!”
C. HAMGLAZE: “Do you remember when John F. Kennedy said, ‘Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty?’ That didn’t come from a speechwriter with a diploma on the wall. It came from the heart! It came from a man that was proud to serve his country, in the name of God!”
JD VANCE: “He was a Democrat!”
M. JOHNSON: “The last thing I need to hear right now is anything from a Democrat...”
S. HANNITY: “I have to agree, Carrie! What’s the point of quoting a dead president at a sad time like this?”
C. HAMGLAZE: (With righteous
indignation) “That was a different era, gentlemen. His party was not the party
of today. And I must say, he was a son of Irish blood. God bless him for that!
And God bless his love of America. That’s the kind of loyalty we ought to have
today, not for any one person, or even one political stripe, but for the nation
where we live! For the citizens who honor our leaders with their votes. For the
volunteers and faithful believers that keep us moving forward, no matter what
obstacles might stand in our path!”
M. JOHNSON: “I needed someone like you at my side, in the House of Representatives...”
JD VANCE: (Looking stunned) “I don’t know what to say, Mrs. Hamglaze. If you had been on the ballot, we wouldn’t be in this kind of trouble after an election disaster!”
S. HANNITY: (Looking at his wristwatch) “And... that’s all the time we have for tonight. Thanks for staying tuned to the Fox News Channel, and let not your heart be troubled! Greg Gutfeld is up next! Have a great evening, and God bless America!”
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