"Human After All"

by Cheryl Kelly

(9-2017)

Why is it that it takes heartbreak to spur reflection and tragedy to ignite change? That it takes loss to appreciate one’s haves or that it takes sadness to jump start positive thinking? Is this a basic flaw that we humans have? Would it not just be simpler to start off by appreciating the people and things in our lives from the beginning? Easier said than done I suppose as humans do tend to be a selfish species. In this fast paced world we live in, perhaps it is a tall order. We tend to spend so much time running, trying to keep up with everything – time is of the essence, yet time is the one commodity that most people complain about. That it goes by too fast, that it is not spent wisely, that if only there were more of it in a day. And as we lie awaiting death and whatever it is that comes next, we consistently have regrets for how we spent our time. How much we would give to have more of it to do the things we didn’t take the time to do our first time around this world or to see the people we love just one more time. Regret is a powerful emotion. It can be equally motivational and debilitating. It can empower you to betterment or sink you into deep depression and unfortunately, we all experience it at some point in our lives.

Regret goes hand in hand with mistake. If it’s one thing we humans have no difficulty doing, it’s making the wrong decision. When we get burned and find out the hard way that we have made a mistake and we endure pain and loss, how do we respond? We turn around and do it again…so much for learning from poor behavior. And if it happens to someone else and we sit in the comfort of our own shell, telling ourselves how we will never do that, there are those of us that will, even despite watching others, sometimes those close to us, suffer. Human behavior is fascinating if not frustrating. Now I know why therapists can charge the fees that they do! Trying to sort out why we do what we do and attempting to right these stubborn ships and keep them sailing smoothly is a chore to say the least. Then again, how boring would this world be if we were all perfect? A universe of Stepford wives and husbands milling around complacently and unassumingly with nothing to strive for and lacking the very conflict and constant struggle that makes us human.

I think it is safe to say that, in general, people just really do want to be happy. We spend our entire lives searching for and working toward some form of happiness. It is this pursuit of happiness that we make the most mistakes and in return rack up the regrets. We struggle at first figuring out what it is that will make us happy. Some of us find it in material things and some of us in other ways, and I think it judgmental to say one is in any way better than the other or that there is a right or wrong way to define happiness. Uniqueness and individuality make the world go round, and who cares how you get there as long as you aren’t hurting someone else in the process. Once we do find happiness we then fight with ourselves to maintain it and continue to search for more; a continuous cycle so to speak. I do believe that happiness breeds happiness and is quite contagious which is a positive amongst all of this mistake and regret talk.

So as I sit here with heartbreak and reflect, I am reminded of my own mistakes and of course regrets. And yes, some recurring. The questions come, the internal struggle trying to understand where I went wrong keeps me up at night, and the immediate scramble trying to put together some type of plan to fix it floods my mind. Whether or not I am successful is yet to be determined, but I do know one thing, and that is that no matter what happens, or how this all turns out, I will try to keep my regrets to a minimum, but, I am human after all.