“The Old Bait and Switch”

c. 2017 Curvy Mermaid & Chubby Walrus

All rights reserved

(9-17)

Mermaid:

I was surfing the Internet the other evening and came across the following quote by Anthony Robbins, “Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.” I have to be honest and tell you that I had to Google him to find out who he was, but I found the statement to be quite on point; simple, yet very poignant. How true it is that the beginning of a relationship is almost flawless. People are on their A game, showing their best, giving their all…pulling out all the stops to secure another date, another commitment. There is quite a lot of stretching of the truth that goes on, a lot of promises made to each other and catering to one another’s likes and dislikes, much to the detriment of any relationship that may develop.

In a new relationship, people have a tendency at times to present themselves in a way that they feel is what the other wants, and then somewhere along the line, things change. People relax, get comfortable with each other and the charade ends…their true selves come out and at times, it is much different than what was presented in the beginning. Now sometimes that’s not a problem, but often times it’s a deal breaker. Suddenly people find themselves knee deep in a new relationship with someone who isn’t who they thought, a stranger. The old bait and switch. Now there are times this happens honestly without ill intentions. People naturally want to make a good impression and try hard to bend and accommodate every little thing all in the name of finding love. Perhaps some are insecure and afraid that this new person would not like the “real” them. Whatever the reason, honesty at times takes a back seat in lieu of finding a mate. And honesty not just towards each other, but towards oneself.

As human beings, we are constantly unsure of what it is that we really want. We make this list of qualities that we believe are the “must haves” for a significant other from superficial traits like looks and body type to more internal traits like intelligence and trustworthiness. Unfortunately, what we think we want and what we actually want tend to be two different things. I find this to be true personally looking back at the relationships I have been in. I used to think that some of the qualities I have would be attractive to a man; from my independence and ability to take care of myself, to my love of football and beer and my low maintenance personality. However, I have found that men will say that those are things that they have been looking for, but well into the relationship, I find myself defending the very qualities that they stated they found attractive in the beginning. It is frustrating to say the least.

To be fair, I have to say that it does happen, and I include myself in this next section, that qualities and behaviors that start off as being attractive in the beginning of a relationship, can sometimes become a problem later on. What began as a cute quirk becomes an annoying habit. What starts off as highly lovable ends up being the reason you can’t stand one more second with him/her and you end up with a War of the Roses moment. In the end, most people just want to find someone who accepts them, wholly, quirks and all without feeling as though they are somehow compromising themselves or settling for something less than they deserve. I suppose this is easier said than does judging by the dating population and the number of websites devoted to helping people find one another, but certainly not a lost cause. Love, is never a lost cause.

Chubby Walrus:

The Mermaid is on target and insightful. I have heard a fresh relationship being described as the ‘new car aroma.’ Something intentionally put forward as a potential couple strives to impress each other with the best effort possible. Brightest smile, wittiest humor, most heartfelt embrace. Who wouldn’t want their greatest charms to be on display when a romance begins? But as she observes, old habits rarely change. Thus, the divergence between appearance and reality takes over. And often – disappointment overwhelms the attraction.

When both people involved practice this method, romance can flourish only to die in the light of day and truth.

In my own experience, I have sometimes been guilty of the opposite. Not offering a gleaming self for inspection by another. Not looking for someone to impress with a talented act. Instead simply being myself. A lazy strategy? Or one lacking preparation? Perhaps both. The result has been that my serious relationships always came from those I had first treasured as compadres.

“Marry your best friend.’ I have been given this advice in the past. For one already divorced twice, it has become difficult to hear the ‘M-word’ under any circumstances. Yet perhaps this plan is better, in terms of seeking a relationship, than the familiar, theatrical dance of desire.

‘The Old bait and Switch’ left me wondering who my partners had become, in yonder days. When in reality, they had done nothing more than simply reveal themselves.

The Mermaid and I agree - ‘Love is never a lost cause.’