“Heartache 101”

by Cheryl Kelly

All rights reserved

(12-17)

Heartbreak...that awful gut wrenching, chest crushing, emotionally debilitating part of life that we all go through at one time or another. No one seems to be immune. We all experience it at different times in our lives and it just never seems to get any easier. One would think that as we get older and wiser and more in tune with the ups and downs of life, that we would be able to navigate and handle heartache better as we age. That as we are dealt heartaches, our coping skills get well honed with each passing year. Well, I’m here to say that either I missed the training on this, or I simply suck at handling having my demolished heart handed to me.

Life has a funny way of just sauntering in and reminding you of just how little control you have over things. Just when you think you have it all together, something inevitably happens to keep you in check; to keep you just out of reach from attaining that peace. It seems incredibly unfair. Like playing poker at the casino and being made utterly aware that there really is no win for you no matter how high your stack of chips, as the House always wins.

I remember my first heartbreak like it was yesterday. It was brutal and unexpected. I used to think that those types were the worst. The ones that come out of nowhere and blindside you knocking you out of sorts leaving you wondering what just happened. But as I have gone through life I find that almost always it’s the ones that you see coming straight at you that are the ones that really throw you for a loop. Those ones that you try your hardest to avoid, that you work hard to try to fix even though deep down you know it’s coming and you know that no matter what you do, you can’t stop it, so you hunker down and prepare as best you can.

I’d like to think that things happen for a reason. That perhaps a heartache or separation happens because you are meant to go in another direction. That you have learned what you were meant to and are better for it. It doesn’t make the pain any easier, nor shorten the time in your life that you feel sad and lost, but it does give you something to think about, something to consider outside of your own suffering. The challenge then becomes how to get yourself moving again, how to get yourself to a place of healing and how not to become bitter and cynical. That last one is a tall order...

There is such a fear in moving forward, or at least I find that to be true at times; something about the unknown that reminds us just how vulnerable we really are. To be able to let go of hurt and anger so it doesn’t cloud our judgment or weigh us down keeping us from achieving all that we want to with the next person, or the next situation. Unfortunately, at times we allow ourselves to be just stuck. Spinning wheels in the same muck simply because we don’t know how to move forward. We get so comfortable that the thought of starting over is overwhelming so we just continue to deal with mediocrity or unhappiness because the alternative at the moment is not an option. What a shame.

If you are fortunate enough to find healing after a heartbreak, let’s hope there is learning that follows. Learning and awareness of how not to find yourself in the same position again as who knows just how many heartaches a heart can take. Just like any other mistakes that get made in life, love is no different. What is that saying again about the definition of insanity? Something about doing something over and over again and expecting different results? True in love as well. Pursuing the wrong type of partner over and over, not changing your behavior in a relationship that in previous ones added to the heartache, or simply not listening to that inner self that hollers at you to wake up and make a move, this one is no good, are all things that should be given due attention; the subject matter for Heartache 101. I have to admit, I definitely missed this class…