c. 2026 Rod Ice
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(8-26)
An odd change in my retirement years has been that I now look forward to dreaming overnight. These episodes are truncated in length due to other needs I encounter while slumbering, because of disability and the aging process. Yet I find that they offer a release from the cares and woes of my daytime existence. Generally, I am always younger, able-bodied, and gifted with the sort of station in life that used to permit traveling, investments, and even spoiling myself at times with prizes of a sort that were not strictly necessary. But certainly enhanced my sense of being content with what I had earned through years of hard work.
Still, the self in these unconscious visions is usually naïve by comparison. Someone not attuned finely enough to the fate that had been proscribed by genetics and family disposition. When pursuing career goals in my 30s and 40s, I had less peripheral awareness, and more of a focus on the bullseye. I held the cause of advancement as my raison d’etre for living. Other concerns were not allowed to interfere with that mission. So, I did not prepare myself for what would arrive in the decades that followed.
Disability and isolation hit hard, when yonder days arrived.
During a recent trip through this imaginary realm, I met myself in person. With a difference in chronological age of around 30 years in effect. The conversation that I shared... that we shared... proved to be interesting and informative. Though ineffective in changing the timeline that had already been written.
Rodney 35 – “Hey you look familiar, man! Are you a relative or something? I know there are distant cousins all through the heartland, even in Oklahoma! We’ve got strong genes apparently! We all look alike!”
Rodney 65 – “Well, yes. I am a relative of sorts, you might say...”
R 35 – “I notice you get around with two canes. My father does that, he’s a wreck after years of farm labor, mechanical repairs, and going into the ministry. He’s always so tired! I never want to be a worn-out piece of leather! I wouldn’t ever do that to myself!”
R 65 – “Right. I am familiar with your back story. It’s easy to tag disabilities as something that only affects senior citizens. But depending on how one has treated their body, such ailments may arrive sooner than you might expect...”
R 35 – “Not for me! I get around quite a bit. There’s not any time to sit still. We hustle at my workplace, and I stay busy when going home. Lots of projects in the queue, all the time!”
R 65 – “I used to be that way, but eventually the genetic disposition of our family caught up with me. It happened more quickly than I expected. About 25 years faster than with my dad...”
R 35 – “That’s a bummer, dude! I wouldn’t want to live like a cripple!”
R 65 – “Friend, in time you might discover that words such as that are hurtful, and unnecessary. ‘Cripple’ is demeaning especially for someone who inherited their condition through sacrifice and dedication. It’s not the kind of reward that anyone would seek...”
R 35 – “Yeah, yeah, okay. I get it. That wasn’t a zing at anybody, I just look at those people and shake my head. My dad struggles to do much of anything. He can’t ride a motorcycle anymore, or stand to drive for long distances on vacation jaunts. He sits at his desk with coffee and reads for entertainment. That is too damn boring for me, I want to be on the go! Gotta go, gotta go!”
R 65 – (Nodding reflectively) “Yes, I remember how it used to be. I do miss the adventures that we used to have...”
R 35 – “WE? WTF MAN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHO IS WE?”
R 65 – “Sorry. A slip of the tongue...”
R 35 – “So, who did you say was your ancestor? You’re on a branch of my family tree?”
R 65 – “Umm, yes. My bloodline began with an immigrant from Europe, about 1700. His name was Frederick...”
R 35 – “Hey that’s cool. Mine was the same. We must be cousins, however many times removed, right?”
R 65 – “I was descended through a character nicknamed Indian Billy. He had been a captive of indigenous peoples, but escaped and prospered afterward...”
R 35 – “Wow, I’ve heard stories like that. It must be part of the family groove!”
R 65 – “My grandparents lived on the southeast side of Columbus. They had an old farmhouse with no running water or central heating. It was interesting to visit as a child. I learned a lot about the world as it was before any of us kids were born...”
R 35 – (Looking stunned) “Columbus? Yeah, I know that city. I used to go there every year on Thanksgiving. And sometimes on summer vacation.”
R 65 – “I miss that place very much...”
R 35 – “I couldn’t live without it! That patch of ground is the home I never had anywhere else. We were always moving during my upbringing. Moving, moving, moving! That farm will stand forever!”
R 65 – “Forever is a long time, friend. But yes, we were constantly moving...”
R 35 – “YOU DID IT AGAIN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE? THAT IS CREEPY, DUDE! CREEPY AS HELL!”
R 65 – “Have you ever considered how you might look in the distant future? Or what it might feel like to hobble around as an old grump? With aches and pains, and stiff joints making every step a challenge to endure?”
R 35 – (Taking a deep breath) “Screw any of that! I’m good as I am, there’s no need to be old and tired, that’s not my thing. I won’t let myself get run down like that!”
R 65 – (Laughing loudly) “If you only knew what was coming... but it is better that you don’t.”
R 35 – “WHAT THE DEVIL DOES THAT MEAN? IT’S BETTER THAT I DON’T KNOW WHAT?”
R 65 – “Just keep working to support your immediate family. They need you, friend. Your wife and her son, your sister and brother, and everyone...”
R 35 – (Clearing his throat) “What was your name, man? I don’t remember hearing you say it out loud. Tell me your name!”
R 65 – (Smiling gently) “It isn’t important, really. Just accept that I am someone who knows the road you are treading as we speak...”
R 35 – (Turning angry) “YOUR NAME,
DAMMIT! TELL ME YOUR FREAKING NAME!”
R 65 – (Shrugging with a sigh) “Speak your own, and it will be said...”
R 35 – “DON’T GIVE ME A DAMN RIDDLE! WHAT IS YOUR EFFING NAME!”
I woke up with moonlight streaming through the bedroom window. My C-PAP machine continued to pump air even after I took off its cumbersome mask. I sat on the edge of my mattress for a few minutes, attempting to clear thoughts of what had transpired. The encounter had been too realistic to simply forget as I headed to the bathroom.
My own words echoed while facing the mirror image I beheld, attempting not to yawn.
“If you only knew what was coming... but it is better that you don’t.”
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